The Practice of Svadhyaya

A few weekends ago, when it was really beautiful outside and all the girls had their best dresses on, I didn't feel too good about myself. I started to wonder why; it dawned on me that I was envious of their nice clothes while I was walking around in my shorts and slippers. Since the time I became more conscious of my spending habits, I stopped buying clothes at high street stores and bought, whenever I deserved a treat, at charity shops. Most of my clothes date back to 2002 and all the newer ones I have are very plain-looking but comfortable enough to walk around and teach in. On this particular day, though, I wished I had a new and pretty sundress. 

Envy is a manifestation of the klesas (obstacles), which are the sources of our suffering. Unfortunately klesas are naturally within us. They could be dormant, somewhat evident or fully manifested. What Patanjali advises us is to recognize the subtle signs like envy and take appropriate actions to keep them dormant. Through the practice of yoga, we can remove these obstacles in our spiritual lives and find our way to samadhi, or liberation. I will expound more on the klesas in my next post.

The fourth of five niyamas (observance towards the self) I quickly put to practice while sitting on a bench by the Thames is svadhyaya, which means self-reflection. As I was trying to deal with my emotional conflict, I had to face the awful truth that I didn't feel confident being underdressed. Of course there is a deeper underlying reason why my confidence is at a low point. I had to remind myself of the choices I made and the reasons why I opted to limit my spending ways in the first place. It didn't take much time after that moment of self-inquiry to actually feel better about myself again. No more self-pity. No more guilt for feeling envious. 

I read an article by Amey Mathews, another yoga teacher, who summarized svadhyaya in layman's terms: "svadhyaya is about making time to know ourselves better. The more honestly we know ourselves, the more we are able to be in control of our moods and emotions. We are increasingly able to distinguish between reactions that sit well with our hearts and reactions that we would rather avoid. We learn to cherish the space and time of yoga practice and seek to create those qualities in the rest of our lives." I couldn't have explained it better.

So whenever you are faced with any issue, which pushes your buttons, look inwards and observe yourself. Where are these feelings coming from?